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Writer's pictureTina Carter

Regret


We have to make many decisions quickly. Those circumstances can lead us to question our decisions. I have run into many cancerworld residents who struggle with regret. And many more caregivers that are flooded with regret. I am not sure there is a magic pill that can help with that.


Most of us (all of us?) are doing the best we can at each moment. And so, some of us develop this tool of being gentle with the version of us that made the decision in the first place. When we have that feeling of regret we could simply say to the us that made the decision, "thanks for being wonderful in the moment." We can acknowledge that when we know more we can make different decisions. And that we don't always know everything we need to know to make a particular decision. That's just the nature of life. And so, instead of feeling guilty about what has happened we can always take an inventory of "what now." Now that we have additional information, or a new perspective is there a way we can use that to help ourselves or others?


And a note for caregivers:

You are an amazing gift to us in cancerworld. When we don't make it out of cancerworld alive it may be easy for you to beat up on yourselves and wonder if you could have done more or better. And, sometimes feeling regret can shield us from deep grief. I have no idea if you need that shield right now. So, all I have to say is...thank you. You are wonderful. And remember, just like you helped us, you may need someone to help you in this moment. Reach out to a friend, or a counselor, or a fellow caregiver.

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